Having a “Bit of a moment”

After days of being strong and rational and positive, I had a bit of an emotional meltdown this morning. Well, “had” …. The tail of the meltdown still very much present as I write this. It is the uncontrolled crying kind, featuring a genuine Vic Falls of tears.

Tomorrow, two weeks after her op and 2 weeks of waiting, is the day my mom gets back the lab results, at 1.30pm Central European Time, and I am freaking out.

No, not in her face. The last thing mom needs is an emotional wreck of a daughter (hence the fact this blog is still anonymous. I do not wat her to worry about me and wonder how I am coping. I rather want her to put ALL of her energy in beating this disease by kicking it firmly in the groin) who cries when ever she opens her mouth.

When I speak to mom, over the phone or Skype or email (we live on separate continents, remember?) I am acting strong and rational and stuff. Obviously, deep down in side, this fucking goddamn disease is tearing me apart. Nevertheless, I have managed to keep the tears at bay. Until I bumped into this video, by the Australian Kristian Anderson, that is. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 and made a very special video for his wife Rachel, which is probably the most heartbreaking, touching footage I have ever seen.

Look, I am not the type of chick that cries her eyes out over You Tube videos of total strangers but this one is different.  When I read Kristian passed away just a few days ago, and having ran out of loo paper and tissues, the tea towel became my new best friend.

Mom is not doing too well either. In an email she wrote how  she is down and confused, and that it is becoming worse during the day. It makes me so incredibly mad. My mom, she does not deserve this shit! She has been enough! So I really really hope the lab tests will tell us something positive.

Think of her. Please.