When “happy birthday” becomes “HAPPY birthday!!!”

It is Mom’s birthday today, and it is a special one this year.

Mom never really cared for celebrating the day she was born exactly 56 years ago, but this time it is different. For her and for dad, but for me too. Today, we celebrate her life and the fact that she will celebrate many more birthdays in the years to come.

When My Mom was diagnosed with cancer, my world was turned up side down. All of a sudden, the woman who gave birth to me was suffering from a disease that kills scores of women each and every year. Women like you and me. While I believed she would be fine, I was also scared of losing her. I do not think I have been that scared ever.

Now, almost two months later, things looks much, much brighter. The tumor has been removed entirely, the cancer did not spread, and she does not need chemo. Yes, she needs radiotherapy, but that was too be expected.

Of course, Mom hates going to hospital for her daily treatments. But it will be almost over soon  She is in her second week now, and taking it like an absolute trooper.

So we are blessed.  Very blessed. And today is the perfect way to celebrate our fortune. Unfortunately, I can’t be there as I am back in South Africa, but I have arranged a special delivery.

This ear, I will cycle the Cape Argus Cycle race. I do this as a tribute to my mom. If she can beat cancer, then I can do this race. I am thinking of getting myself sponsored, to raise funds for South African women who cannot afford treatment. To give ou an idea – 52% of the population lives under the poverty level of 1.25$ a day. Only 14% of people have access to private medical care. Public hospitals are chronically underfunded, under-staffed and over-burdened.

More about this later. If ou have tips and tricks about how to do this – let me know.

Finally some good news

Sjoooh, I am hung over and despite the fact that I am cursing myself and the champagne, I know it was worth it. Yesterday, dad called me to say that:

• The docs had removed the entire tumor, without leaving bits and pieces behind
• No rogue cells were found in the lymph gland they removed
• The cancer’s aggression levels were found to be low
• No chemo or hormone treatment are needed. Mom will have to undergo radiation though, but that was to be expected.

So all in all, it is very good news. I spent a good 5 minutes crying my eyes out after hearing the news – after which I called my girlfriends and dragged them to our favourite local for some celebration.  I BBMed my boyfriend, but his phone was off and that bugged the shit out of me. He after all knew about the importance of today (after I reminded him yesterday morning). Anyway. Men. Useless sometimes.

Of course I realize mom is not out of the woods yet. Radiation is not for sissies as I understand it, but it could have been worse! Mom is very lucky, and I wish this news for every breast cancer patient. Reading some of your blogs about chemo and hormone treatment, and the emotional and physical pain that comes with it, makes me sad and angry. Yes, I am happy about the good news but I honestly wish this could be applicable to everyone.

Last but not least: Thanks everyone for the support so far. It has been amazing.

Until the next blog.

D Day – Thinking about my mom

So today is D-day. It sucks. Ass. I am rather stressed and nothing comes out of my hands today – despite the fact I have half a dozen of deadlines to deal with. I have got three multi-page features waiting for me, as well as the last few bits and pieces of a press release campaign dealing with solar energy. I just couldn’t be bothered, and this flipping heat is not working in my advantage. At least I am keeping it together emotionally, without Vic Falls crying sessions of note.

I hope everything will be okay in the end, and that mom can start what ever therapy soon and that she will be cancer free soonish. I have to sometimes remind myself that they caught this shitty illness at an early stage, that the tumor was very small and that she could not have picked it up herself (it is that small).

I have to remember that to make sure the ‘what ifs’ are not taking possession of my entire being.

Hopefully my next blog will be a bit more cheerful.

Having a “Bit of a moment”

After days of being strong and rational and positive, I had a bit of an emotional meltdown this morning. Well, “had” …. The tail of the meltdown still very much present as I write this. It is the uncontrolled crying kind, featuring a genuine Vic Falls of tears.

Tomorrow, two weeks after her op and 2 weeks of waiting, is the day my mom gets back the lab results, at 1.30pm Central European Time, and I am freaking out.

No, not in her face. The last thing mom needs is an emotional wreck of a daughter (hence the fact this blog is still anonymous. I do not wat her to worry about me and wonder how I am coping. I rather want her to put ALL of her energy in beating this disease by kicking it firmly in the groin) who cries when ever she opens her mouth.

When I speak to mom, over the phone or Skype or email (we live on separate continents, remember?) I am acting strong and rational and stuff. Obviously, deep down in side, this fucking goddamn disease is tearing me apart. Nevertheless, I have managed to keep the tears at bay. Until I bumped into this video, by the Australian Kristian Anderson, that is. He was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 and made a very special video for his wife Rachel, which is probably the most heartbreaking, touching footage I have ever seen.

Look, I am not the type of chick that cries her eyes out over You Tube videos of total strangers but this one is different.  When I read Kristian passed away just a few days ago, and having ran out of loo paper and tissues, the tea towel became my new best friend.

Mom is not doing too well either. In an email she wrote how  she is down and confused, and that it is becoming worse during the day. It makes me so incredibly mad. My mom, she does not deserve this shit! She has been enough! So I really really hope the lab tests will tell us something positive.

Think of her. Please.

The waiting starts to take its toll

Just spoke to mom, and she is taking quite a bit of emotional strain.The waiting-waiting-waiting for the lab results is not easy for her, especially now that dad is away for work. She does not blame him and neither do I. Dad has to work, simple as that. It is however rather unfortunate that a trip overseas had to come up. He will be back on saturday, the day I fly back home. So until he is back, I will try to make sure she is okay. This will mean more Skype chats, more emails and more flowers via the mail.

Hopefully she (and we) will soon know more about the type of breast cancer, and what can be expected of the next few weeks treatment-wise. WE should get the results in exactly one week from now (the 17th of Jan).

This situation is quite stressful for me too, being so far away from her and not being able to do anything to make her life a bit easier. This bloody time difference does not help. When I wake up at 7, mom is about to go to sleep and when she wakes up, I am about to have dinner. It sucks ass, to put it that way. Luckily I will be back home in South Africa in a couple of days. By bye time zones.

I sometimes wonder how others in my situation deal with their mom, sisters, wives, girl friends having breast cancer. It would be nice to share experiences, so if you want to talk: Talk!

Mom: “Cancer isn’t contagious. It’s okay to talk about it”

It’s been almost a week since the doctors removed a tumor from my mom’s breast, and all is going well. Well, sort of. Mom has cancer, which is not a good thing. And the waiting is starting to take its toll, and my mom is struggling with the after effects of the operation. To keep infections at bay, she was prescribed a certain tablet, which made her sick as a dog. After consulting her GP, mom has now stopped taking the medication. On top of that, the respiration tube caused a small jab in her mouth when it was removed meaning her mouth was a bit sore for a few days.

Luckily, the wound in her breast is healing well, and she has had her first glass of wine this weekend – which is always good news. I told her that she should eat. Mom is like me: when I am stressed, I can’t eat. She needs to eat to keep her strength and energy levels up.

Unfortunately, mom has to miss dad for a couple of days. He has to go overseas for work, which he can’t cancel. She understands, and my dad understands that he has to go, but I sense that they are not very comfortable with this situation.

I was and am very happy to hear that m parents are getting a lot of support from family and friends, in the form of cards and flowers. However, it seems that some people are afraid to talk to my folks about the cancer. That is why mom this weekend decided to send out a very kind email to all her friends and family explaining that it is okay to talk to her and dad bout the breast cancer, to stop b for a visit and to give her a phone call to chat. “A lot of people are scared to talk about cancer, and therefore unwillingly alienate cancer patients. This makes us – me – insecure and lonely. Cancer is not contagious and while it is scary, it is okay to talk about it,” she wrote.

I think this is quite a brave step to take.

Operation done and dusted

All went well yesterday. The operation lasted little over an hour, after which mom was wheeled to the recovery ward. She did very well, and apparently insisted to call my dad herself after the operation. This was barely two hours after the surgeons brought her back to a conscious state. My dad was rather impressed with her, and so am I.

Mom was discharged at the end of the day, and is now recovering at home. She is not in a great deal of pain, thank God – Just a little tired.

Now we have to wait for the lab results, which will show what type of cancer she had, whether it has spread, etc. According to dad, the docs will know more by Jan 17th. A treatment course will be designed based on what comes back from the lab.

Thanks everyone for the support. It really means a lot.

Operation Time

In little over four hours from now, my mom will be put under general anesthetic after which the surgeons will remove the lump from her breast. It will apparently be a quick operation, and she most like to be discharged at the end of the day. After that, the waiting begins. Fourteen days is a long time to be kept waiting for the test results. I really hope the lymphe-thing they will remove will not contain any nasty cancer cells, and of course that the entire tumor will be cut out.

Anyway, those who read this: Please think of my mom and send her good vibes. And think of my dad too.

Thanks ….

Final Operation Tests and Check-ups

Yesterday, mom and dad were submitted to another trip to hospital, this time for two final rounds tests and check-ups before this morning’s operation. One of the things the doctors have done, it injecting contrast fluids into one of the lymph nodes closest to the tumor, which will make it easier to remove it tomorrow.

Mom sounded rather positive when I spoke to her on the phone, which is comforting. She is not too worried about the operation, and wants whatever has made her boob its home OUT. Dad sounds stressed out of his mind about everything. He is an expert in explaining the procedures, but not when it comes to answering questions like “How do you feel?”. And me? I am not sure how I feel. Worried, of course, but more about my dad. Mom is a tough cookie. I have faith in the doctors who will be operating on my mom, as it seems they have everything under control.

I think the worst part of this journey, apart from hearing the news, will be the 14 days after the operation. It will take about this long for the docs to know whether the tumor is aggressive, whether the lymphe node contains cancerous cells, and if a second operation is needed.

 

My Wish for 2012

Just a short message to wish you all a happy New Year. I hope 2012 will be a year filled with love, joy, and good health. My wish for 2012? Well, that is an easy one. I hope my mom beats her breast cancer and maintains the positive spirit she has armed herself with. She is much stronger than I could ever imagine – much stronger than I am sometimes.

Luckily mom will be operated on Jan 3, which is less than 2 days from now. The sooner the tumor is out of her body, the better as far as I am concerned. That nasty fucker does not belong and will never belong in her body. Good riddance.